Friendships

I've really been struggling lately. I'm clinging to God and my family like I never have before.
Growing up, I was blessed to have met three really great friends. All of which, I still have some sort of friendship with.

My first true friend and I use to be inseperable. We did everything together. Spent every weekend together. Experienced everything about growing up together. She was there for me through the ugliest parts of my life. Some of my most favorite memories of my life are with her. But as life moves on, so do people.
Eventually, through life and boys and growing up and struggles, we found ourselves growing apart. And as much as I miss this girl, I'm so happy to have the memories that I have with her. I still consider her to be one of my greatest friends and I truly wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for her.
(Considering she practically introduced me to my husband. :))

And then there's this girl:

My inspiration for living. I have learned more from her than words can say. I met Shelbey in High School when I transfered to her school. The memories that I have with her are endless. And the best part about her? I can be myself around her. I can tell her anything and she can make me feel better about any situation. I love being around her because no matter the circumstance, we can make fun out of anything. And I love watching her around the people she loves. Thoughtful, real, inspiring, beautiful, and FUN are the words I would describe her as.

 I remember being so excited about her moving to Topeka. I remember waiting for her to get out of high school so that we could both be on the same page again. I loved just knowing that she was only a block away. And even though I didn't take full advantage of her being so close, I loved that she was here. And then, life once again took her in a different direction and she moved away.

She's still my bestfriend and always will be but man, I miss her. I miss seeing her at Hobby Lobby everytime I would go there. I miss going out with her for dessert. I miss our Friday Night Light marathons. I miss having my bestfriend here. The hardest part? Jaelyn asking when we get to go visit Auntie Shelbey at her apartment because "I miss her". Shelbey and I have a different friendship from everyone else...I just love her!

I know we all have different roads to travel. And I'm so blessed to get to share in Shelbey's journey. I'm proud to call her my bestfriend.

And Allison.

I met Allison when I was really little. She is the friend that I have known the longest. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Allison and I were meant to be friends. Growing up, Allison and I did so many things together. Sold lemonade and bean pods, slid down the stairs, painted rocks, had tea parties, ate mint leaves, and the list goes on and on. I've never laughed as hard with someone as I have with her.

When she moved away in Junior High, I was crushed. I never thought I'd be able to see her again. We'd visit each other randomly but the next time we truly connected was my wedding. The day that I found out Allison was moving to Topeka was a great day. Both of my bestfriends would be in Topeka. Perfect. Allison and I picked up right where we left off. We introduced the boys and together we were inseperable. The memories are endless with them. (She was in the OR when Finlee was born, for heavens sake!)

When Allison graduated, they moved home and it was probably one of the hardest days of my life. Our house was, and still is, so much quieter. There's no one randomly walking in our door or eating through our cabinets. There's no one entertaining the girls, which might be one of the things I miss the most because our girls have a love for them that they share with no one else. There's no one here making us laugh quite like Allison and Logan did. I was so happy to be a part of their beautiful wedding day. I know they will always be our far-away friends for life.

*****

My reasoning for writing about my friendships is because lately, I have just been struggling. Struggling with the fact that the two friends I loved most, aren't here anymore. I know it's not because they don't want to be or because of me. I know it's because they have lives to live too.
These past three-six months have been so hard. Sure, I have Matt, my girls, and my church friends but I don't have the two best girlfriends that mean the most to me. I've tried to make new friends, friends just like Shelbey and Allison, and I have a really hard time doing it. It's almost like I know that my new friends aren't them, so I put up a wall and can't get past it...no matter how hard I try.
The more I sit here and think about it, the more I miss my sister. And I realize that my "adopted" sisters (my sister-in-laws that treat me as if I've always been their sister) love me but there's still that void. The void that I so desperately want filled.
I know that my situation could be worse so today I called out to God. I asked Him to break down the walls that I've put up myself. To place special people in my life once again, just like He did with these three special friends. To help me understand that I still have these special friends and to help me with growing stronger friendships. I can't wait to see how He provides in the way of friendships.

Xoxo,
Tanna